First Day of Exam

Dear Me,


This is gonna be a fast blog.....and i guess one of the most not so personal blogs...muahahah....anyways..jz a few thoughts that have passed through my mind these pass few days..i found out that during the times where i'm the most tension and the most down...i laugh the hardest...i can't believe that day ..right after the previos blog...me, ken n wee liem came out wif some jokes that make me laugh so hard..and yet can't laugh loud cos in library..whoa...really....so pain man my stomache...abt drawing elephants...hahahaha....then later..i started hiccuping....then every time i hiccup..i start to giggle....then ken start to snort out in laughter...in seconds we're all in fits again..hahaha....wee liem asked me to drink water or hold my breathe but i din want to cos i find it highly amusing.....anyways..its been a long while since i laughed so hard...till at one moment i tot i was gonna burst....funny how when u're at ur lowest its when u laugh the hardest....oh yeah...tat day during when i was at my lowest....she was at the library as well....jz looking at her has somehow calm down my heart...:P.....don really think that she's the one....but i jz really like to be around her....and i dunno why i'm not myself when i'm around her...and if she asks for anything....i would jz obey like a lil dog....hahaha....

Have a feeling that maybe the lowest point of my life is over.....dunno....don dare to say anything too fast....Mich admitted to hospital...my sincerest prayer to her.....and may she recover fast....getting closer to ken now because of studies......i guess if we started blending more earlier we could be very good fwens....we have a lot in common...keke..okies..won't blog for too long...sem's ending..one day i wil spend the whole blog dedicated to wat i've gone thru this sem..and wat i've learn from it...and wat i need to do as well..wat i should have done....sort of evaluation...yeah......ciao first.

First Day of Exam

Dear Me,


This is gonna be a fast blog.....and i guess one of the most not so personal blogs...muahahah....anyways..jz a few thoughts that have passed through my mind these pass few days..i found out that during the times where i'm the most tension and the most down...i laugh the hardest...i can't believe that day ..right after the previos blog...me, ken n wee liem came out wif some jokes that make me laugh so hard..and yet can't laugh loud cos in library..whoa...really....so pain man my stomache...abt drawing elephants...hahahaha....then later..i started hiccuping....then every time i hiccup..i start to giggle....then ken start to snort out in laughter...in seconds we're all in fits again..hahaha....wee liem asked me to drink water or hold my breathe but i din want to cos i find it highly amusing.....anyways..its been a long while since i laughed so hard...till at one moment i tot i was gonna burst....funny how when u're at ur lowest its when u laugh the hardest....oh yeah...tat day during when i was at my lowest....she was at the library as well....jz looking at her has somehow calm down my heart...:P.....don really think that she's the one....but i jz really like to be around her....and i dunno why i'm not myself when i'm around her...and if she asks for anything....i would jz obey like a lil dog....hahaha....

Have a feeling that maybe the lowest point of my life is over.....dunno....don dare to say anything too fast....Mich admitted to hospital...my sincerest prayer to her.....and may she recover fast....getting closer to ken now because of studies......i guess if we started blending more earlier we could be very good fwens....we have a lot in common...keke..okies..won't blog for too long...sem's ending..one day i wil spend the whole blog dedicated to wat i've gone thru this sem..and wat i've learn from it...and wat i need to do as well..wat i should have done....sort of evaluation...yeah......ciao first.

Near the Edge

Dear Me,


We were having dinner at Dengkil....when i said to Benny...."I'm tired....tired of...." i can't think of the word to finish it...when Benny help me answer " Life?" Yes. I'm tired of life. I'm tired, fed up, exhausted...disappointed and burdened....i can't take it anymore.....Imagine having a big burden that's been taken of your back...the burden tat has been robbing me of my time to study...imagine having it off...only to have it heavier on you at 4am in the morning......Imagine people waking you up 4 am in the morning to give you all sorts of crap and rubbish....i was totally piss off....thank God that i'm a more controlled person now...i wouldn't have imagine how it would have been if i were not......just now i went to dengkil for dinner qutie reluctantly...i thought to myself....ahhhh....jz a lil dinner would do....only to see my previous "challenges" or may i say previous broken relationships sitting there....wat makes it worse is that it has not healed....I can't take it anymore....with the problems of the house on my back...with the burdens of finals...and the worry cos my coursework was not good and i don haf enough time to study...and to have people of pass experience making as if u're not there...unforgiveness is so obvious u could have just bang rite into it....I really can't take it anymore....I'm tired of living...I'm tired of living ..I'm tired of living....relationships severed.....disappoinment comes when my results are revealed....what's the point of living....going for church practice....not much joy playing anymore...doing my best but yet can't please people....there's no more joy in life....there's no more happiness in life....only lame jokes and masked faces when i talk to people.......whats the point dear Lord...only my God knows how many times i've cried out to Him....countless times i've cried out in desperation....looking for an answer...a voice...a word.....the scriptures given to me every morning during devotion is good...but i need a drastic action...i need to see the hand of God working...if it is there or not.....please God..I'm begging you....how am i gonna survive? Are You gonna give me poor results to top up my semester? what are You doing to me....even some people can't talk to me now.....we were best of friends......my life is a living nightmare and hell.....

To also add to this...through this house problem...i've managed to find out abt some personalities of my housemates that i've never seen before....the ugly side and not-so-nice guy side i may say....i won't wan to say anything abt them here....what i cannot understand is why people don like one another???? why do people hate each other?? when u question them abt it...fingers are pointed...people are blame for it....instead of evaluating and stuff.....people start blaming on others....in situations like this....sometimes people who are not involve are dragged together into this mess.....Didn't God say love one another as you would love yourself? You guyz are CHRISTIANS for goodness sake....where is the love of God??....fact is i'm more disappointed abt the people than abt the situation...i really did not expect some people to react this way.....looking at all this....sigh....i don think i haf much to say....i told God this morning that the hands i have to praise Him are getting heavier....its getting harder to look at the positive side of life...just when u think the dark clouds have gone...a bigger thunder storm comes.......above all problems..i now do not have a roof over my head to stay...things are not getting any better...i'm behind in my studies.....and i don have the time to catch up....i might just give up......i'm dying here. God...please lar...call You so many times liao......help me here......i can't go on like this....one more step its all it takes for me to fall off the edge.

Hurtful Decisions

Dear Me,


Hurtful Decisions. sometimes there comes a time in life where when u make a decision...no matter which road that u choose..someone is tend to get hurt....so how do u choose? i had to come to a decision today....for the pass few days..the house problem is just growing from "glory to glory" u might say...kekeke....wat started out as an early step to solve our housing problem for the next academic year....grew into something so massive that it costs us our friend....we had to choose....i won't really elaborate the problem here...i'm sure i won't forget this experience....but sometimes hurtful decisions has to be made....to get along with life..to survive in this dog-eat-dog world...


Why do people hate people? why can't people just forgive....and try to accmodate one another? hahah..if we were to solve that problem....there won't be any wars around ya....anyways...my housemates woldn't stay wif another person because...simply because they don't like the other person....sigh...anyways....now i feel peace and assured....this is why..

From this experience God has place in my life...and also with my other housemates lives...i've found through this experience....me, boss and jia wern have managed to grow closer with God....and its been a long long time since we prayed together...in this....we've prayed and shared many times how we've felt...we've grown closer to God together....secondly....we could see how God works in this situation...past few days late at night in desperation as we prayed....asking God to open and close doors...to give us a house that glorifies Him....as we set out to look for a new place...which i was quite confident we could get..surprisingly many offers were already taken or not available.....indication...could it be a door closed? morever....the new unit's owner has offered to lower even more the price for our place...and Kenneth has offered to solve the car park problems....and to do watever it takes so tat we could settle in....door open? funny thing..Jia Wern prayed that if God want's us to move to the townhouse.let it rain....hahahah....before the day has passed......we already made up our minds to move to another unit...little did we know that during we were in the agent's place...it rained...hahah..i dunno wether it is a sign from God or not....but many things were pointing to retaining the unit....many mornings during my devotion i asked God to take control over all this things....and i will follow wherever He leads....seeing that tonight i need make a decision....i choose God over friends and men..securing the deal we did...verbally..but the house has empty rooms which we need to find people...but i told my other housemates that we have chosen God's road....and we need to trust God to provide for us...who would still wan a place during this exam times one would ask....but barely after advertising....already 3 people have responded to the offer...Hallelujah!!! Praise be to God the most High!!!! Surely He provides and takes care to those who obey and trust Him!!! even though we haven't any housemates for now...i believe by faith that we will get housemates!!! and God always provide us with the best!!! hoping for good housmates...better still if christian housemates...kekekeke...thank you sooo much Father God!!!.....

This morning had a super chi kek devotion....during desperate times..pass 2 days..God gave me verses which started with " My son"...wahh....so happy.....today God gave me a formula to score in exams..kekeke......taken from Proverbs 2...forgot which part..i highlighted....very very specific...about God will give wisdom if i just follow certain steps....just like kingdom living...kingdom rules....yeah...gonna trust God some more in this area......really..this is the first time where so many areas..important areas in my life where i'm totally dependent on God....haha..got broke off jz now...went to get my "dinner"....hmm...nvm....anyways...i'll sign off now...the food is spoiling this mood...kekeke....ciao for now...and don give up yet Josh.

Farewell my dear Friends

Dear Me,

Farewells and saying goodbyes are not something i'm fond of....today during CF we had farewell for our seniors...the seniors had sharing...which i felt it was so so so precious...experiences....sometimes are more powerful than sermons...i'll try to jot down wat everyone said..cos i feel that this are experiences from the heart....with mixtures of emotions and time and effort in it......here goes: Janette told us how lucky and blessed we were that some of us have Christian families...and she said that since she became a Christian...she has enjoyed every minute of her life....Katherine recalled how warm the seniors were last time...how she feels belonged to the CF...erm...who else....Bob advise us that we should place God above our priorities and work when we go out to the working world...Nick advise us to look out for the quiet ones in CF...Alvin Keng shared of his life experiences.....yeah...a brief sum up...these experiences set my mind to working furiously on plenty of things...but if i were to jot it down....i'll need 2, 3 hours..

As the event went on....there are certain times that my tears could have come out....it was like...wow..they're gonna go edi..like will i see them again? some of them i'm not close to...but i felt closer to them than the previous year's batch...i 'm close to kevin koay...i mean...i look to him like a big brother...like a real senior...i mean...last year.....he din look like and feel like senior to me lor...but jz oni after a year...wow..he's really grown...like...really changed...right after being appointed as prez he rose up to the occasion...and he's changed now..good for u kev!! goodbye u bunch of friends....i always hate saying farewells...it jz reminds me that my time will come to say goodbye...tat time i dunno wether i can take it or not....seeing friends go.....i remember i cried like a baby when i wrote my goodbye letter to my best best friend last time....he's really one who's close to me...we shared plenty together..plenty...during my letter..as i wrote the letter...tears jz come streaming down like a waterfall....how could i say goodbye when we've gone through so much before?? how could i forget?? anwys..out of point now....goodbye seniors...goodbye good friends...good bye brothers and sisters in Christ...my prayer for you guyz..

May the Lord keep you, and be with you at all times
May the Lord's face continue to shine upon you
May you bring glory to the Lord's name at all times
May you walk in the favour of the Lord for the rest of your lives
May you and your future household serve the Lord continually
May you always bring upon the favour of men
and lastly
May you love the Lord your God with everything....and more than everything u ever had.
Amen.


Today i insisted on having my devotion before i went library....also i had extra sleep lar..kekeke..cos i so tired..past few days oni 5, 6 hours sleep.wow!! yesterday i din haf time to do..so sad...today i had right...then i find myself more focus..my mind is more sharp...and i had more sense of urgency....i continually asked God" Father...can it still be saved?" and i guess God asked me back this question" How bad do you want it?"....i was like..yahor..compared to last sem..i had more drive..i had more focus...more motivation..this sem i'm kinda lacking in all this...so....like tat...devotion was on Mary and Martha...where Martha was so busy preparing hospitality stuff..but Mary jz sat down and listened to Jesus....its like yesterday lorr...din spent time wif God....wanna study.....so..like God remind me..study is good...but be like Mary...listen to God...yesterday din manage to get much....yeah....anyways.... having problems wif the tenancy wif my new house..couldn't find housemates..we might be forced to look for a new unit..so late..next week's finals..sighs...need God to help out here.....ciao first....need to continue to strive on my studes...Joshua..how bad do you want it?

Kingdom Living-Yet will I Praise You

Dear Me,

I'm born victorious. I'm not a born loser...i'm not born to fail...i'm born to face the world..and take it by storm...fuyohh...hehehe..anyways....let's recap wat happen for the past 2 days

For the first time in my life....i actually opened up to some people...for the people who actually know me..i do haf problems opening to ppl.....and suddenly...i found myself surrounded by people who actually made a appointment wif me to listen to me...who actually spent their time helping me....not only did God comfort me..He sent ppl to come help me as well....thank you so much..:)..erm....chatting wif people now.....don really haf time to blog rite now....but jz wanna jot down this...I've came out of my situation VICTORIOUS.....though certain relationships i need to build from scratch again....now i'm a better person..now i know that i can rely on God anytime...i've settled..or may i say "almost" settled this..jz waiting for God's timing for certain things to do....i've told JK that i've put it behind me now..i dowan to be another person who dislikes him...God says we can't say we love Him if we hate our brother...and He says we need to forgive our brothers seventy times seventy times seventy.......ya...many times la....oh ya...the tittle..kingdom living...will jot it down..don worry...i've sealed it in my heart edi......i took a look at my overall results...my coursework everything..doesn't look good..i asked God...can it still be rescued? God told me to apply wat i learn in church today....and learn to trust lar...during my devotions oso certain things i caught...okiess..dowan to waste too much time lar..the thing tat i will also remember from church today...is the song we sang " Yet I will praise Him"....from this experience...i've also learn..that in watever situation i'm in...i will STILL praise Him....watever situation..God still DESERVE the glory that is due to Him....out of this experience...all i can say is I praise and worship and love my God even more.....Jesus..You are everything to me.

Kingdom Living-Yet will I Praise You

Dear Me,

I'm born victorious. I'm not a born loser...i'm not born to fail...i'm born to face the world..and take it by storm...fuyohh...hehehe..anyways....let's recap wat happen for the past 2 days

For the first time in my life....i actually opened up to some people...for the people who actually know me..i do haf problems opening to ppl.....and suddenly...i found myself surrounded by people who actually made a appointment wif me to listen to me...who actually spent their time helping me....not only did God comfort me..He sent ppl to come help me as well....thank you so much..:)..erm....chatting wif people now.....don really haf time to blog rite now....but jz wanna jot down this...I've came out of my situation VICTORIOUS.....though certain relationships i need to build from scratch again....now i'm a better person..now i know that i can rely on God anytime...i've settled..or may i say "almost" settled this..jz waiting for God's timing for certain things to do....i've told JK that i've put it behind me now..i dowan to another person who dislikes him...God says we can't say we love Him if we hate our brother...and He says we need to forgive our brothers seventy times seventy times seventy.......ya...many times la....oh ya...the tittle..kingdom living...will jot it down..don worry...i've sealed it in my heart edi......i took a look at my overall results...my coursework everything..doesn't look good..i asked God...can it still be rescued? God told me to apply wat i learn in church today....and learn to trust lar...during my devotions oso certain things i caught...okiess..dowan to waste too much time lar..the thing tat i will also remember from church today...is the song we sang " Yet I will praise Him"....from this experience...i've also learn..that in watever situation i'm in...i will STILL praise Him....watever situation..God still DESERVE the glory that is due to Him....out of this experience...all i can say is I praise and worship and love my God even more.....Jesus..You are everything to me.

Kingdom Living-Yet will I Praise You

Dear Me,

I'm born victorious. I'm not a born loser...i'm not born to fail...i'm born to face the world..and take it by storm...fuyohh...hehehe..anyways....let's recap wat happen for the past 2 days

For the first time in my life....i actually opened up to some people...for the people who actually know me..i do haf problems opening to ppl.....and suddenly...i found myself surrounded by people who actually made a appointment wif me to listen to me...who actually spent their time helping me....not only did God comfort me..He sent ppl to come help me as well....thank you so much..:)..erm....chatting wif people now.....don really haf time to blog rite now....but jz wanna jot down this...I've came out of my situation VICTORIOUS.....though certain relationships i need to build from scratch again....now i'm a better person..now i know that i can rely on God anytime...i've settled..or may i say "almost" settled this..jz waiting for God's timing for certain things to do....i've told JK that i've put it behind me now..i dowan to another person who dislikes him...God says we can't say we love Him if we hate our brother...and He says we need to forgive our brothers seventy times seventy times seventy.......ya...many times la....oh ya...the tittle..kingdom living...will jot it down..don worry...i've sealed it in my heart edi......i took a look at my overall results...my coursework everything..doesn't look good..i asked God...can it still be rescued? God told me to apply wat i learn in church today....and learn to trust lar...during my devotions oso certain things i caught...okiess..dowan to waste too much time lar..the thing tat i will also remember from church today...is the song we sang " Yet I will praise Him"....from this experience...i've also learn..that in watever situation i'm in...i will STILL praise Him....watever situation..God still DESERVE the glory that is due to Him....out of this experience...all i can say is I praise and worship and love my God even more.....Jesus..You are everything to me.

Messed Up. Can a CG destroy a CG coordinator?

Dear Me,


Goodbye Hello Me. Welcome Unmasked. " Hello Me" was treading on dangerous grounds...too public..too many ppl reading....so i'm closing it down...anways...i've open a new one.."Unmasked"...only a handful of ppl would be given access to it....


Can a CG destroy a CG coordinator? Seems like my CG is destroying me.....My life is a mess..i've messed up my relationship wif one of my closest friend....its really severed...she doesn't even wanna chat wif me....things are getting more and more complicated...all this during exam season....it just keep stacking up...How ironic my life is...i've never even officially started work as a CG Coordinator!!! I've been rebuked....I've gone thru shit...people tembak me....then come say sorry....then later come say dowan to talk to me again....am i a softie?? am i a puppet? and it all started because ppl see that my CG is not doing well...and then they start talking....i am the one to be blamed...i'm the one to be confronted....i'm the one who's supposed to fix things.....please LARRr...just leave me alonee~!!!....All i wan is a simple life....where i can sit down...enjoy the pleasures of life....study like a normal student....why do i have to face all this?? i'm a person who can take critisicm wan....i can take it.....but if i'm wrongly accused.....its not nice.....sigh....i dunno..i dunno..i dunno...seriously..not one single soul on this planet understand wat shit i'm going thru...only my Great Shepherd.....only Jesus....You're my only hope left....please Lord....i'm looking beyond the circumstances like you've taught me before....i know there will be sunshine after the dark clouds....

Psalms 23

The Lord is my Shepherd
I have everything I need
He lets me rest in green meadows
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths
bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk through the dark valley of death
I will not be afraid
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me

You prepare a feast for me
In the presence of my enemies
You welcome me as a guest
annointing my head with oil
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days if my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

Dear Lord,
this is my sincere prayer to you. I praise you. I give You thanks for everything...for every obstacle You place in my path...i said before that i will bring glory to Your name..i will still praise You no matter wat troubles i face...and i'm praising Your holy name dear Lord....Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid,for you are close beside me,Your rod and your staff, protect and comfort me....dear Father....others may not know...but u know that my heart is full of scars..some still fresh...only You know when my tears flow...only You know when i have nothing left....broken....dear Lord..i'm living now...based ONLY..only....on every word tat comes from Your mouth....men have failed me.....i know i serve a good God...i know that You're here...and i know that i can still...and will try to rejoice in You....You are the comfort i have left...You are the shelter elsewhere i can't find.....and i still declare " My cup overflows with your blessings!! Surely Goodness and Mercy will follow me all the days of my life"....Thank you Lord....i've never thank you for problems before...and honestly i duno how to fix things...but You hold tomorrow..You..oh great and mighty king....your kingdom is so vast....yet You still choose to be here with me...i cannot thank You enough. Truly You are worthy to be called God.
In Jesus name i pray,
Amen.

Testing new blog....testing one,two,three.

Testing new blog....testing one,two,three.