The Great Shift.

Dear Me,


I guess i should blog abt how, and also why God has allowed me to scrape thru my exams....but i guess i blog abt another time...it will be a complete evaluation of 3rd trimester of Gama Year 2004. But for now i think i'll blog abt yesterday abt one of the greatest moments in my life....the Great Shift from D 28A to B 1-6-5.

Many thought i was crazee...flying earliy in the morning on wednesday morning to cyber to shift stuff..and flying back the next day as early as 7.25am to Alor Setar....yeah..hahaha...the idea was at first crazee to me...buthen mom wanted me to come...and i'm guessing i would be pretty bored staying there waiting for a week before our sem starts...not to say i'm very busy here oso..hahaha...anywas...heres the details...

Touched down on KLIA wed morning....took the transit to putrajaya..and picked up by daniel...arrived at our townhouse...and we started to get to work straightaway...judging by the amount of our stuff...we had to start fast so tat we could finish by nite fall.....as i stood at my room...there were so many things i really din know where to start....buthen everyone wanted to get rid first the " Biggest Challenge of All"...our fridge..our GIANT fridge to be exact..it took everyone to carry it..as we couldn't find a roller....6,7 ppl were there...we were on our way there when we heard a crack coming form the fridge...opening it....we found a broken egg..somehow when we left it out when cleaning it...oh yeah...cleanining the fridge and kitchen comes wif some wonderful remarks and gasps and giggles of laughter...why? hahah...i was upstairs when they were cleaning the kitchen when all i can hear is.. " YERRRRR...who's wan is ThiSSS????" or " WAHHHHh.....WhAT IN the World is THISS?? " and occasionally from jia wern " Ah Harm..please go take your eggs and fertilize it."

Shifting furniture is no joke. Truly i respect all those uncles who carry heavy stuff everyday....This are the erm...list of furnitures.. Computer Tables: 5 Study Table: 3 Cupboards:3
Bed: 2 sets of double deckers 1 Clothes Hanger Mattresses: 4 I think thats abt it...i might still leave out some stuff.... Anyways we spend the whole day shifting some stuff..and it came wif a price too...some furnitures suffered casualties...my com table's wheel..erm..wheeled out....Dan's cupboard almost came tumbling down..yah....and most of all....most of all if not all of us suffered from cuts, bruises and muscle cramps...


Here are some interesting things i experience during our shifting. :p ....
1.) If counted, I think Daniel's total amount of sneezes could have reached 50, 60....i think its due to dust..and also that fella think he's hero...sweat so much than take off his shirt sit under blasting fan...:p

2.) Because of dust..my nose became irritably itchy...i had no choice but to apply Mopiko..and seeing that i would need it again i put it at my back pocket..this is secret...but during evening time i felt my butt like hot and warm...i reached into my backpocket and found out that my mopiko has leaked and slowly .....erm..treating my butt....luckliy it didn't reach the erm....."pusat Sumber" of my butt lar..if not i sure can sing liao...

3.) I think this is the remark of the day...just only shifting our FIRST item...our fridge....our good friend ah harm came back and said : '' Eh guys...i think my hand start shaking liao."

4.) During our stay and course shifting we've managed to find an expensive underwear, and an expensive Renoma T shirt in which NOne of us have any idea who's isit. oh yeah..we also found a tupperware of grapes which has been in the fridge the whole sem and nobody's own up.

5.) Sight of the day: Mr Jia Wern placing a big block of ais on his smooth, bald head.

6.) At the middle of the day we were just getting ready to move our stuff when we heard motor sound and bells ringing..well wat d'ya know..its the ice cream man!! without hesitation we called tat smiling fella and ah harm treated us wif ice creams...and its like ages and ages since i ate ice cream from an ice cream man..i really can't recall when was the last time....cool huh..

7.) This is actually a secret..during one of our trips we accidentally drop one of ah harm's drawers and i think a scissors, and some stationary fell into a giant drain....3 of us just smiled and winked at one another....another cover up....hehehe.....

8.) Another nice fact. Ah harm came earlier and sprinkled rice all over our new unit...as a superstition as it could erm..scare away ghost......and during the nite he gave strict instructions to switch on all fans and lights and boil a kettle of water before 11pm as a believe that this can bring in all sorts of good things into the house. Wat a load of crap. hahah...

I think there are a few more erm..interesting facts...one thing which i found out durin our shift is that how much we've grown into each other only in 1 years' time...from an outsiders' view ppl would think that we've old old fwens....everyone offered to help one another....no selfish thoughts at all.....some ppl needed some erm..nudging though..but all in all....we were working as a team...and i could see that all of us have changed since we first shifted in...the friendship atmostphere was amazing and i thank God that somehow we as christians have managed to bond well wif other fwens as well....and i hope one day we could reach out to them. Then later...as i was cleaning the final stuff from my room..i started to tear down the post cards from my door...and the posters as well....i was alone durin that time...as i begin to tear down the posters and postcards....memories of thepast year just flooded my mind...i begin to tear down posters of Matrix....Finding Nemo..Xmen 2...these were the hot movies when we first shifted in......memories of the whole year....jz filled my mind..what i've gone thru...how much i've matured...how much i've learned..how much joy or pain that i've experience...the friends that i've grown closer to..or even to those i've grown further away....everything....and i see another wonderful chapter of my life is coming to a close.....every semester has its own story to tell....the thing that amazes me is that there are no 2 semesters that even comes close to being similiar...each of it has its own different story...how can people say that we just live life as it is..surely there is someone up there who plans our lives.....surely there is a God....so.....one day i will sit down and type down things i've learn n stuff like tat..but for now...i can...and should look forward to opening the cover of a new chapter in my life...it comes wif excitement as well as nervousness...i know that i will face challenges again...i know that problems will come...how or when or wat i do now know...but the one thing i know that God sees everything...and He has all my life's chapters tucked under his hand...all ready..for me to live it out. Adios.

Inspiration?

Dear Me,


Here i am now......blogging at exactly 1.42pm in the afternoon....had a splitting headache yesterday nite while i was watching football at a cafe....came back and slept straight away..which was 12 am.....the earlierst i've slept so far since i came back....i think is due to the fact that i slept too much the previous day..hahahah...ok down to wat i've read this morning when i woke up..

when people ask me how's my hols been i don really know how to answer them...erm..is it good? a BLAST? boring? i don really know..the word i came up wif is " Floating."..yeah...thinking abt it...i AM floating in this hols....aimless and goalless.....no direction....nothing to do.....is this my ideal holiday? hah..i don think so....starting of the hols i told myself i would do 2 things..one is prepare for my ministry for the coming semester.....spending more time with God...hearing His voice as to wat to do and sort of preparing myself more lar to serve Him thru the CF....and the 2nd thing is to try to erm....improve my guitar....to which both goals i'm sad to say i haven't really reached anything...hahahah....

As to me trying to get closer to God....i tried.....but the thing is the more i try to get closer...the more i get confused....not to bring anyone down by making this statement...its just that i still cling on to my previous frustrations....i still can't let it go...and i guess the reason to that is i haven't really found the answer...i haven't found the reason..the root.....so..it began to eat into my relationship wif God....i started ignoring Him....thats one of the reason i was floating......and i still am...i still am trying to find out why is all this happening to me.....maybe i haven't given God a chance..i dunno...but in actual fact this holidays i 've heard of many testimonies from my familiy....my chucrch members...on how God has been so real to them....and how God's gracious hand was upon them..and how wonderful God works..i wish God would do something like tat in my life.....at least in that area where i'm struggling the most....sometimes i whisper to God " God, surprise me." oh yah....funny thing happen that day...that day was chatting wif mom...mom knows all abt my erm....disappoinments....but then she said that she has a feeling i'll make it thru...true or not? we shall find out in a few days time...but that sentence alone brought a sudden feeling, a rush of hope into my heart....buthen it died down again as i 've already given up hope....it occured to me later on..that i've really given up on Hope. hahaha......as even as i'm writing now...i have fear to even jot down anything abt it yet....so i'll just keep my mouth shut for the moment...afraid of making a fool of myself again....hmm..it seems that i've gone of track...anyways..so..yeah....thats it..everyday passes by...where dreams and reality seems to overlap one another for me...i am a sailing boat on an ocean without a direction...just waiting for the day i will sink deep into the ocean....lemme put it this way..If i make it thru....it will seem to me that actually God surprised me by making the impossible possible....and that God did hear my prayers at the begining before i had given up on hope....making good for me that i can start the semester wif a bang......and if i don....it would mean to me that its gonna be hard for me trust God in certain areas....it doens't mean that i'll start cursing and get angry like i did last time....i won't get angry wif God....it'll just mean that in my faith as a Christian...when ppl ask me questions on trustin God and that area of my life.....i can oni say " I also dunno how." yeah so that's the 2 road i will have to choose when the come times..and the time is not very far away...oni a few more days....

Funny is i woke up this morning...i was strolling along when i came upon the magazine Asian Beacon...flipping thru...i came upon this few quotings...wether it's supposed to mean anything to me i'm really not sure....but this are a few:

When I Asked God
I asked for strength and
God gave me difficulties to make me strong

I asked for wisdom and
God gave me problems to solve

I asked for prosperity and
God gave me brawn and brain to work

I asked for courage and
God gave me dangers to overcome

I asked for love and
God gave me troubled people to help

I asked for favours and
God gave me opportunities

I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.

My prayer has been answered.

Here's another one.

Press On! When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill.
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When cares are pressing you down a bit,
rest if you must, but do not quit.
Life is strange in its twist and turns,
as every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure comes about when we might have won had we stuck it out.
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow.
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
You never can tell how close you are,
it may be near where it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit!
- Rob Benson

A Tribute to the Slump of Manchester United

Dear Me


Today's blog is solely to criticise the form, tactics, style and players of Manchester United football club. AFter watching jz now's game of MU vs Liverpool...i can't stand it anymore..i need to voice out my opinion of why MU can afford to lose at Old Trafford to fellow strugglers Liverpool.

As A Team
First i'm gonna just comment on the team itself....i'm truly disappointed of the style and tactics of MU....the reason i first liked MU was because of its impressive and attractive attacking play....because of its fluency in passes....and because the players were bursting wif ideas on how to attack...no longer we see such things anymore.....after watching the match...it was clear that MU players have no idea on how to attack...instead only depending on winger Ronaldo to cook up wif some stuff....no offence to liverpool...MU's style has slowly degraded and has become boring, unattractive like liverpool..hahaha....that was why the score was 1-0, oni because of a penalty...i'll bet a million bucks that if it weren't for the penalty the scoreline would be a scoreless draw....imagine 2 teams which have no attacking flair....which oni plays the ball at their own half of the field meeting together head on....wat do u get? a draw....and a scoreless wan.....so...to conclude this first section...MU=blockheads in attacking.

2ndly, the reason why MU doesn't have an attacking flair..the players will speak for themselves....having sold beckham and veron....they have practically sold 2 of their best passers around....Ferguson opted to purchase Kleberson, a defensive midfielder...Beliion....who else..can't really remember..oh ya Ronaldo....why i can't remember the rest? cos they haven't really made an impact...the reason why MU have managed to remain at top flight football in the past was because they had players who were able to supply the ball to their strikers....and who are the players who do that? they are none other that attacking midfielders....ppl who have good vision for the ball....ppl who are brave the bring the ball up front and somehow have an understanding wif the strikers to be able to supply to them to provide the fininshing touch....of course there is still paul scholes and ryan giggs..thank God they're still there....but 2 of them alone cannot handle all these....giggs is getting old...if paul were to be suspended or injured...who else has MMU to conjuer up some tricks? Keane? Phil Neville? Fletcher? Defensive midfielder's job is to dominate the centre of the field...in other words....make sure their side has possession of the ball..and if not....try all u can to take back the possesion from the opponent....that's it. not everyone knows how to pass a superb and pin point through ball pass to the strikers...so...imagine like jz now's match...MU's midfield was Keane, Phil, Fletcher and Ronaldo at the wing.....this kind of line up from the very begining screams of a draw...or in other words " We're not gonna attack." To be frank....MU has sufficient fire power up front......the combination of Nistelrooy and Saha can prove to be deadly in the future....MAn U won the treble thanks to the superb combination of the deadly duo, Yorke and Cole. difference is...they had people supplying these two strikers wif uncountable passes...giving them plenty of chances to secure of the game.....yeah...next..

3rdly, of course we need to comment on defence. Wif Forgetful Ferdinand out of the picture for entire season...it was up to Wes Brown and Silvestre to build up the defence.....yeah rite....blunders and lost of concentration proved to be costly errors...a team wif strong defence is always build on and around one reliable central defender....let's take certain good teams for an example....Arsenal....who other than their solid tower...Sol Campbell.....Chelsea...John Terry and Desailly...who else...Valencia...Ayala....Madrid....Helguera......AC Milan.....Maldini...Inter...Cannavaro....so many examples...these are the strong towers to captain the back line....making sure that no ball passes them...can MU depend on Brown? hahaha....noopes...Silvestre? Tat fella's oni good wif Rio around....O shea? He lost his touch...and finally Gary??? i'm getting quite fed up wif him....the defence of MU this season always reminds me of 2000/01 season...where they lost everything due to crumbled defence....

4th and finally, inconsistency. one moment they beat Arsenal, next they lose to last place Portsmouth..then they win Charlton..then they lose Liverpool....wat a lovely yo-yo...compared to Arsenal who have forgotten how it feels like to lose.....Lemme tell u now why Arsenal are at the top and unbeatable. though some people might hate Wenger...somehow he has managed to develop a new exciting style of football base on the abilities of his players...seeing that his players have pace...he trained his players to play fast, one-touch and smooth football. thats wat i call EXCITING. many of England's defenders of huge, big fellas....the one thing that could overcome this is by beating them thru pace....and wif the fluency and fast football....many a time Arsenal have caught their opponents breathing for air...starting wif their strong leader Vieira to make a tackle....in a flash u would see 3 ,4 Arsenal players racing down the opponent's goal even before Vieira has time to look up....with the superb understanding build around the French players....passing to 2 of their best attackers aorund....Pires and Ljungberg....in just 2, 3 touches...in a flash u find Arsenal's meanest goal machine...Henry one-on-one wif the keeper...a simple tap-in.....and there we have it, a goal. so simple, yet so deadly. defenders would wondering how did the ball end up wif Henry behind them...and credit to Arsenal....they have the back four solidly standing firm...wif Campbell marshalling it. there you have it.....MU will have to work harder...really harder...
Let's comment on the players.

Tim Howard
This is one player i admire. if it were not for him...MU will probably not be where they are now....many a times he could not keep a clean sheet is not because of him...but because of the defence.

Wes Brown
All he knows is to fall down...fumble...He is quite ok actually....but lacks in solidness..lacks in reliability...makes too many mistakes..


Mikael Silvestre
only strong wif Rio. not a capable defender by himself.

Gary Neville
hot headed....compared to Salgado of Madrid, Thuram of Juventus, he's small fry.

O'Shea
i always feels like he has a face of a boyband material. fizzled out this season..last season we can see exciting rushes to the front...dribbling past 2,3 players...this season mebe he's thinking of quitting MU and join Westlife...

Phil Neville
hard working...but only useful in defending the team and holding the ball. quite ineffective in attacks.

Roy Keane
not the Roy Keane we seen last time. not very effective around the field..and complains too much....i wanted to shout jz now when i saw him complaning to the refree.." Quite your pathetic whinings and start playing decent football lar..."

Christiano Ronaldo
being their sole attacking midfield....it was so obvious till u could go blind that every time MU needed someone the ball to go up..if would be him....he's good....dirbbling and stuff...but he needs to work on his passing...he's rate of completely passes is embarassing...i would advise him to look up and around him once in a while rather than just down..if u know wat i mean...he makes wonderful rushes to the goal..oni to fumble wif a pathetic pass to the opponent...

Darren Fletcher
not really sure what is his role....erm...attack?....erm..defend...erm.....cut grass?

Ryan Giggs
Relying on Giggs to take set pieces is not always a good idea...but then again..since the departure of beckham.... goals from set pieces are so rare that even we have more cases of earthquakes around the world....muahahah...He is getting old..too old for his old stuff.....of course the team still needs him... but he has to take on a different role now.....which i guess he is still trying to adapt...still..he's still my all-time favourite..hahaha...

Paul Scholes
my FAVOURITE player at the MU team...ppl dubbed him the "genius" player cos he plays wif his head...places the ball at the correct placea and the correct time....to me he's a small chili padi...probably one of the smallest player around...but highly dangerous....the burden of being the supply line from the midfield to the strike force is upon him i guess since the departures of other players...but he can't work it all alone..he needs more backup...yeah....

Louis Saha
hardworking.....good eye for the ball...nth bad to say abt him...he's good

Ruud van Nistelrooy
He's different from Henry as i see him as the classic striker....someone like Alan Shearer...Thierry Henry is the complete striker...he can do ANYTHing..mebe except catching the ball wif his hands...Ruud is different...he is the striker wif wat i call killer instincts....his finishing is one of the best....the oni weakness is he can't create chances for himself....u need to supply him the ball at the correct places....he's positioning is quite good...so its not really a problem wif him...but he needs supply.....u give it to him in the penalty box....he gets a small chance...he can make it happen.

Ok. plenty more to say abt other players but i guess i'll jz sum up now..its the longest blog i've ever written before...just to say...football facsinates me...instead of other stuff like cars..hahaha....its because victory relies on every aspect on it u could find.......every one involve...inculdung the fans.....and of course the tactics....the spirit.....and drive...all this contributes to making it a "Beautiful Game". its not a game where" 22 crazy people running around at a pitch kicking a small ball"..whoever says tat just don have enuf knowledge to respect it....yeah...thats about it. Ciao.

Facing Death.

Dear Me,


hello and welcome again to the blogging world. just wanted blog my after thoughts of watching the movie " Meet Joe Black". of course the first thought that came to my mind was....FUYOHH..the gal so chunn....hahaha...super pretty gal acting as Joe's lover..anyways.wat i really wanted to jot down..or mebe start a chain reaction of thoughts was if i were to meet wif death soon....wat would my reaction be?

Imagine i haf untill end of this week then i will "cross over"....wat would i do...wat would my thoughts be....putting myself in this shoes is not a nice thing.....kekeke...but the first i guess i would do is to secure the place where i will go to after i "leave"...its not really a problem for me rite now....i truly believe that i'm save by the blood of Jesus....ok...so now lets move on other stuff....hhmm....i mean....looking back at my life..since my infant years....then my primary schooling days.....moving on to my secondary school days...and finally my uni life....i would say that my life is a blessing....though untill now i 'm not able to do certain crazy things i wanted to do...though till now certain goals that i've set for myself i haven't really achieve....i would say before i die...that the reason i'm able to be where i am now...its because of God's gracious love....and also becos of my family.....my parents.....my friends....ppl who are around me and helped me.....i appreciate my friends as well.....i am wat i am today is partly because of them.....the experiences i go thru....and joy and pain i share wif them a lot.....my family is the best...becas of them i have no problems financially...i have no broken family....in fact i have a family so strong that many famililes here back home look to us as an example..yeah....becso of them i haf the chance to visit Australia....had my share of fun and enjoyment there as well......lloooking back.....life wouldn't be complete withouth the pains and suffering and disaapointments too.....sigh....this is the life i've lived so far....u know when i visited my grandma and grandad during "cheng beng" last time....i see hundres of ash pots in the temple...i was like.....wow....so many....their time was over...while mine is still ticking....all i can say is....if i were i come to an end..i can say that i've had a wonderful live.....i 'm loved...i'm accepted....i've tried my best to make the best of everything.....i may not be rich...i may not have traveled around the world....i may not have been a top student....but i have tried to survive....i've given my best shot at certain things...not all things...kekeke......i've lived a fulfilling life....yeah....we nvr know when our time is up.....i do not fear it....but i hope i oni come after my parents....cos i do not wish to break their hearts.....and its sad to hear parents burying their children...when its supposed ot be the other way round....yeah.....so.....to anyone who;s reading this as well.....who knows it may be read like 50, 60 years from now when i'm gone...hahahaha....i've cherish every moment wif u...especially my fwens...i may not haf many friends as others...but to those i know.....its been a BLAST knowing u guyz....u guyz have made me, me.

Haunted.

Dear Me,


Woke up this morning wif a strange feeling i've been having mebe since i came back exactly one week ago....mebe even a similiar dream or feeling...not quite the same dream but the feelings are similiar. The feelings are that i need to sit for more exams. it may be funny, but every morning i woke up to the strange burden i've been having the whole last semester..that is got more exams coming...faster wake up study.. whenever i haf this feelings i need to assure myself its the holidays...exams are over....its quite scary for me.....its like i'm haunted by exams......and it was quite subconcious to me untill this morning..when i realise that i've been having these dreams for the past week....mebe even during IF camp itself......what is this?? Am i to be haunted by exams?? when i assure myself that exams are over...another tot creeps into my mind : are they? having a feeling that i might need to resit for papers does not contribute to making me more calm....

I sat on my bed for some 10 mins this morning pondering wat was all that abt?? then i came to a conclusion...that is i've let exams conquer me.....over the past few sems....exams are the major obstacles i face each semester...exams are the "issue" that haf made me the happiest person in the world...or the most miserable person alive.....more often is miserable....i mean....even dealing wif people..even dealing wif my house problem..it doesn't compare to the disappoinment i face when i read my results....even my previous blogs...disappoinemtns are from exam results....and if i wanna put God into the picture....its even worse...i've become afraid to trust God now.....its a sad thing to say..but its from my heart....afraid to trust God because of the fear of being disappointed...and it came wif experiencing it before...and i dunno wat to say abt it..these hols many a time i've told God..:"i don understand....." and i really don.....reading my previous blogs are prove to it.....and i'm sad to say that i've come to a point where i don really care anymore abt my results....its like....i've given up trying to do better each time....i've come to a point where...i jz do my best la....if i make it then good lar..if not....watever la.....i mean....its not me..since i was young i was train and taught to believe in my efforts...to have the confidence in my ability...not anymore....i've come to accept that i'm jz not good in it...no matter how hard i try...i dunno....its becoming more frustrating...some more wif the "funny" fact that exams are really haunting me every morning.....its the hols! for goodness sake leave me alone!!...i dunno......sighss....its distorting my walk wif God right now...i know its kinda early for me to make assumptions before the results are out..truth is i'm afraid to hope....i'm afraid to believe that i can do it....cos of the disappointments i've had before..the scars haven't really healed...i just chose to put it aside during that time....who am i to blame? blame it on God? myself?? dunno....i'm tired....tired of this eternal struggle.....i mean...even durin the hols i'm struggling wif this...where is my freedom?.......its nice to sing" I'm freeeee.." during praise and worship..but am i really? you call this freedom?? you call having the same feeling and burden haunting you every day freedom?? sighssss.....this is my struggle.....this is my fight. it has always been the same struggle....reading my previous blogs....its all almost the same.....i can't see God working in this area of my life.......other areas got lar...but this area where i struggle the most....can't see God anywhere...nope.some people would say: ooOOo...blaming it on God? hahaha.....not blaming God...just disapointed...i won't jot down here again like how i've work for it and all those stuff cos i would be repeating myself again n again....yeah.....so..thats it. where is it going? how is it gonna affect my future in MMU? or even my working life? i don really know..or should i even care?? sometimes i feel quite pissed of when i hear a testimony abt how God has help another person during their exam times..no offence...but i hear it i get angry cos why is God helping that fella and leaving me out.....i tot the holidays would be a good rest for me to recuperate and get ready for the next sem....but seeing that whats the use of getting ready when i will tend to get disappointed again.....i feel that thats nth to get ready abt....mebe get ready to being disappoineted again? hahahaha......i duno....this are my feelings which i've been holding back for some time...this are my most secret tots....my secret struggles...in which i don think its a struggle anymore...i'll jz fly the white flag lar...its better to gif up than to get disappointed....wow...how many times i've usd the word " disappointed" in jz this blog...hahahah...this is the reason why i can't help people...people like Jason Teoh....cos i'm facing the same stuff.....i dowan to be macho or like a Godly person and act that its ok when i also fight the same fight. so...i couldn't help him....and its even more sad when i can't help another person either....


ok...enuff abt all this....to put things aside.....one nice spark in my life was yesterday..when i got to spend the day wif "her". i mean the afternoon oni ar....she was staying at her fwen's place....i arrived after spending some time shaving...putting on some nice decent clothes....and trying to look good....hehehe....to my surprise many of her fwens are my ex school mates..and she's even closer to them than me...she was bathing when i arrived..then i saw her strolling down the stairs looking fresh and nice....i smiled and she waved back...feeling quite akward as i'm at my ex schoolmate's house..and yet i'm the stranger there cos i don really know them...but they were very nice and hospitable...invited us to maka laksa..when suddenly another "troop" arrived...annnnndd..to my upmost surprised and irony..there she was....standing beside me....my secondary school crush. she looks every bit a woman....no offence to cf members..but there's none compared to her when it comes to being a lady...beautiful....elegant and gentle at the same time having a strong personality... hahahaha.....and to my surprise again...both "she"s were good fwens as well....so...we sat down on a round table....altogether 8 gals and 2 guys....on my left was "she" who was visiting..on my right was my ex-crush. i was quiet as a mouse..and i was smiling all the time due to the irony that was falling on me...later the gals wanted to go canoeing and pedalling at a nearby lake...the other guy n gal can't make it...so that makes it 7 gals and 1 guy....me.....kekeke...we set off to the lake.....i din wanna get in their business..so i voluntereed to take care of their wallets and stuff while they went off pedalling at the lake and stuff....ended quite late....but all the while i felt akward also due to the fact that i'm not used to having all gals accompany me and me as the oni guy...i dunno how gals feel when they are the oni gal...hahaha.....anyways.....yeah..tat was my day yesterday..they're going off the langkawi today...i could take them around.....but nahh.....all gals...i will feel even more weird STAYING wif all gals....gave them a lot of advice though...and i helped book her ticket back home.....is this going anywhere? don think so..hahaha......but i've grown fond and protective over her....i dunno why....talked a lot this time.....this is the real me.....these are my ups and downs.....this is me....unmasked. (fuyoh..canggih manggih ending.:P)

Uncertainties

Dear Me,


Blogging in the afternoon....guess i should jz give up the idea of blogging at nite....sometimes too many ppl to chat wif and it kinda stops ur concentration..not to say i haf any...muahahaha....

Hols have been a BLAST!!! ....yeah rite.....hahah....besides sitting down watchin tv and eating and sleeping....i've spent my BIG spare time erm....breathing....erm......digesting my food...hahaha....its quite funny from having a super busy time from the ending of the sem to super free time now....i guess thisis wat ppl call relaxing sometimes huh...doing nothing...anyways....this hols has been not really wat i expected..to start wif i came home to find almost my whole family sick...especially my mom...had to fetch my mom from school to the clinic tat day.....so....yeah...secondly i found that everyone pretty much has their schedule...and everyone in my family is busy doing their stuff.....and i'm the oni one lazying around....so....yeah.....not much excitement so to speak... oh yeah tat day watched Passion....had a lot of tots later on....but i did not imagine it to be so real...whoa..chatting wif su chen now..blog later. ciao.

My Status

Dear Me,


WOW!!! its really been a while since i last visited this website of mine..erm...wat is it called again? oh ya..blog...kekeke....i guess since i created this new site..a more private wan i lost a bit of momemtum to blog anymore..i dunno why...but here i am now at Alor Setar....updates and updates...its gonna be a long long blog...plenty of things have happened....plenty of thoughts...my status.....here it goes.......


IF Camp 2004

Camp was good. though we lacked in numbers we didn't lack in spirit.....Broga it was held...with around 60 campers ...and i'm guessing around 20 of them are camp commitees..:þ..anyways....i probably won't elaborate the camp activities..i'll just jot down my thoughts during the whole camp....thoughts which i wished i could jot down during the camp....ok..i guess the whole objective of the camp is to sorta unite malaccans and cyberians....i guess compared to last year the bonding was better....we sorta opened up our shells and started to mix around wif the company we usually don mix around wif.....for me.....i took this camp as a training ground for me...its for something which i learn and was convicted abt.....it was during comm planning b4 the camp..i'll share mebe another time...but the thing is from then...i was convicted to think more abt others...to be able to care for others and to love them...at the same time i need to open up myself more freely to strangers..so..the very first time i was the malaccans...i went to sit down among them...tell them abt my name....intro here n there...and i tried to be an example to mix around wif the malaccans.....yeah....i guess the camp was also good due the leaders who are running it....ok...

2nd thing. i'm excited and happy that we're on the right trrack. ps victor gonzalez's msg confirmed that our theme and direction is right for the CF. i guess its God's way of saying" tat' wat I wan u guyz to do"....so....i hope the rest of the comm who were there caught the msg and caught the vision as well...i'm really convince and i believe in our theme for this coming sem.....for b4 that God has shown me many times wat directio He wants me to take..tats why i voluntereed to be in the CGs. :)..anyways...yeah...this hols is also training and preparation for my ministry.....antoher time we share ya.

3rd thing. hehehe...this camp is oso i get close to "someone". i guess i did sent out "signals"...i dunno....i can't resist it....though in my heart i felt that she's not the wan.....but she was there during the whole camp and everytime i see her my heart jz melts.....so...i followed her around the camp like a puppy....and did wat ever little little things she asked me to do...hahahaha...bonded...dunno....i hope this doesn't get too far.....

4th thing. Jason Teoh. while everyone in the camp were having a gala time....jason stood in a corner and jz watched....i have to admit..because of those malaccan guys...i've nvr laughed so much in a camp.....though it was not the hardest i've laughed....ermm...side track liao..back to jason...yeah...he shared to me his burdens..his disappointments during the first nite itself..though he din give me the whole picture...i jz acted like i din know...and the sad thing was i could not help him becasue many of the problems he face i face it too...and i don really know how to solve it either.....frustrations like working hard for exams and results like crap....i too struggle and i too have not found the answer and the reasons for it happening....so....for the first time in my life when someone shared his or her problems..i could not give a word of strong encouragement....i felt really helpless...all i could say was "hang in there bro...or..don give up.."he msg me last nite saying he felt death nearby....after some finding outs...i found out tat his "gf" finally broke up wif him....coudln't get thru to him..he didn't wanna answer my calls..in fact he keeps canceling them....so i sent a verse every 15 mins and a prayer to support him....till i slept..the thing i felt frustrated is tat i could not give him a way out....i could not provide an option...sigh...i've cried out to God over this matter..i wish God will answer me quickly...all in all....camp was good.....but i guess next yr's camp we should not oni focus on fellowshipping but also feeding the campers wif the word of God more as well....a time of refreshing wif God.....all christians mar....or almost all...ok tats it for camp.


Home.
yeah. i said it's gonna be a long blog...i have to admit that i was quite jealous tat everyone was going to sarawak...i mean imagine having mc D's wif the group of ppl going to have fun in Sarawak at KLIA...then going off in another plane home alone...but as i looked around...everyone of them had a chance to go back home during the sem..for me i don have the priviledge...i guess its one of the weakness of staying so far from home....i still NEED to come back during hols...wow..too many ppl chatitng now..i guess i sign off for now..still have lotsa tots...will need to wait till tmr or another time...byes.

Lost and Confused

Dear Me,


Its now 1.33pm in the afternoon a day before my control theory finals....i'm now down wif flu and i'm lagging behind in my studies..what am i doing blogging here? haha....anyways...tittle is lost and confused. for the exams .....for stuff tat has been going on around me...i once asked God when i was down.....sorta challenged God....i said" to top up wif all the misery i went thru this sem....are u gonna give me lousy results?? haha..maybe He will...i dunno....this exams....its different for me...i dunno why....i mean..after reading some blogs i see ppl praising God that they're able to answer the questions....for the past few papers....i was also able to answer the questions...oni to find that they're wrong....not to discourage anyone here.....it sorta discouraged me...then yesterday's maths.....i've already prepared myself to sit for the supp....put it this way..the past 2 midterms for maths i work like a bull...results came out like shit....its bullshit....i guess for this coming finals...it sorta dawn to me like its useless....wats the point.....despite of that....i tried to put in watever i've got....i've learn from the past mistakes....did the tutorials...made sure i know the stuff.....did the past year.....when the questions came up...i could oni answer 2......the other 2 is tricky and difficult for me....i could not answer....it was not in the tutorial....could oni answer 2...and if those 2 were to wrong....i need to resit liao.....i mean....c'mon....gif me some credit for my work lar......starting to feel fed up......wats the use..wats the use...how come i'm more stupid than other ppl...how come even if i study the same amount wif other ppl...they can still score?? i've prayed fervently.....i do my quiet time faithfully every morning.....of course sometimes i do struggle wif the flesh....i do struggle to being righteouss....but all the time i'm trying....i still pick up myslelf again and do better....Lord are u looking for a chance to punish me by giving me bad results everytime i fall? i know i'm rather direct but this is wat that's in my heart now....its the same question i asked You during 1st sem when i failed my math as well.....are you trying to look for a opputurnity to punish me?? i'm only human.....there is no more anger like last time...but there is confusion here....i go to church...pastor keep saying You want to bless me...i come back to campus like different story....i dunno....i know that the results aren't out yet so maybe i shouldn't make so much comments...but by the looks of it ...it doens't look good..and i've never experience some sort of miracle like when i tot my results is really gone case where u've proved me wrong...so..thats it lar to wat i've feel....i got distracted in my studies oso cos of the CF...where i was disappointed to certain stuff....Lord...its all because i wanted to bring Your glory.....i wanted to glorify u i got distracted...then are u gonna punish me because of this??i'm lost and confuse. Are u real for sure or not....or isit all the "things" tat i tot was from u is from only me??? don really have the mood to go find ps sandra oso tmr....if u can provide like the building to the church...wats some small time miracle like my results to You?? pls...help me a lil here can?...i'm lost and confuse.

Disgusted.

Dear Me,


Where are we? Where's the CF? What has happen to the leadership? What has happen to the people? AFter talking to some people...it is quite certain that our CF is not doing good...oh ya...found out that i'm actually not very good at expressing my feelings and my thoughts on paper....i'm best expressing myself and getting my thoughts out when i'm in a conversation with someone....verbally i'm best at expressing myself....but since Mr Blog here i can't "chat" wif u..i'll jz try my best to say wat i have in mind lar...

God appointed me to be a leader in the CF. the responsibilty and burden of taking care of God's flock is upon me and also other leaders of the CF. i'm answerable to God when i see Him...to what i've done and why i've done this or that....or wether did i do anything at all? How do i see the status of the CF?? i've asked many people this same question again and again...the answers collected do not differ much from one another...where is the CF going? why? who? when?....all this questions...like an interviewer i was when i talked to some people...one interesting thing i got, someone said God does not need another Christian Club....ouch...painful isnt' it...fact is this is coming out of a person who doesn't even like to pray last time....2 things concern me the most :


One: yes...the status of the CF....after gathering much information......i've got my own version of where the CF stands now...it is not very define i'm afraid...but the main thing is God is not in the house...CF wise.....there is no presence of God in the CF....its becoming a Christian Group Gathering rather than Christian gathering....crap..how do i put it into words....don really know how....but the CF doesn't need God anymore...its like the CF doesn't desire God anymore....there's no hunger...there's no deep desperation for God....its like.." God..if u wanna come to CF..oh.jz come lar..."......i believe that if everyone comes back to the basis....of having more of God....in sense of God's love...God's peace....the joy....the encouragement we can have in another....the help we can get.......all this...comes from God..the fruits of the Spirit....all this....God's Forgivness...as long as God is in the house...issues like wat i gather...passion...attitude.....leadership...all this will come into place...most certainly....We need God!!! We want to be God's Club...not just another Christian Club.....this is only the tip of the icing of wat i have in mind...but it's hard for me to blog it down here...i think i will need to do a drastic thing for me....which is i think i may have to talk to ps sandra abt this.....she has already offered to help out...i'll try to get her....anyway..issue number 2:

Two: the CF leadership. i'm disgusted at the leadership. serious. period. me as well counting in. Recently heard many news...and also seen wif my own eyes how the leaders of the CF show an example...its more disgusting than puke itself. where are all the principles?? where is the discipline?? EVeryone hasa become selfish....soree to make it harsh here but its true. everyone from the top..president..to all the comm members....we are suck. i see leaders going to places shoudlnt' be gone...get involve in relationships that are raising eye brows....and getting involve in cases like my house that are bringing the name of Christ down....there is a verse in the bible that i've read before that if we carry the name of Christ and we give it a bad name...we might as well don be called children of God....don worry i'm including myself into all this as well....i mean.....of course when we talk to that person....he or she would say that we haven't heard their side of the story.....hey! DON TELL ME THAT U'RE GONNA ANNNOUNCE TO THE WHOLE CF YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY.....the image that we as leaders portray....is so very important.....that some would say we tat we can't be ourselves...that we are "actors"....Hey again!!Who are you putting first in your LIFE???? You or God?? Don tell me or anyone that u sing" God i give u my heart" then come and put all our selfish ambitions before Him....Lesson Number one of Purpose Driven Life book: It's not about You. It's about God.......Do you love God enough? that you are willing to lift up the name of God..and forget all that u wana be or wat u wanna do??? this lesson is for myself as well....and i guess i've disappointed God too......i wish i can jz get everyone together and talk abt this.....the image that u guyz portray man.....its different some more in CF.....the leadership that i admire the most is from Acts church....discipline and principles.....i've picked up a lot from there....learnt a lot as well......so.....to all Comms out there...here's a question for you guyz, and me : Everything and everything that we do...do we glorify God?? here's a advice: Get your act together. Stop playing a fool...we don have time for games....we don have time to build leaders now....the CF needs strong capable and disciplined leaders who are totally commited to God NOW to start its rebuilding process.....if u say that u need time to change yourself or anything...hey....let others who are better to take over man....cos We do not have time...Sorry to be harsh...haha..nobody would hear this as well....but this is from my heart....i rebuke in love...my thoughts and motives are all go bring God's glory in... not to single anyone out....i'm not that type of person....Let's get our act together. No more time for Games. Say No when its time to say No. Hey leaders out there!!! It's time to rise up. C'mon.

The CF

Dear Me,


The CF. I've dedicated 99.9% of my life to the cf. mixing wif the people day in day out...even staying wif them...having troubles with them...working wif them......going thru struggles with them....how do i define CF? one would think its just a group of people who call themselves christians.....i think its far, far, more complicated....far more complexed than that....many things are going thru my mind now....first is the for the Cf as a whole......God has put me in a position where i'm responsible of taking care of God's people in this campus....where i have to answer to Him when i see Him one day....after chatting wif people....and also seeing wif my own eyes......many questions and concerns have come from it....mainly about the Passion, Attitude and Leadership....PAL....others include taking things for granted....and others lar......for me..i think the CF is missing something......something important....very important..and its only one word : God. its easy for me so jz sit down here and talk all day abt it...but another for one to take up the task..for one to take action....

2nd thing that is going thru my mind now ...is the people..sigh...how to pen down all this tots? they're all like in a jumble....and if i were to blog it down it will take a long long blog....lots lots of tots going thru my mind......yet many uncertainties.......this sem....God has tot me so ,so much...really....and its the experience that are all precious to me.....experience of dealing with people....experience of experiencinc unforgiveness.....the experience of dealing with the diseases of the CF first hand....i guess this is only the begining...and from other people's blog...they are all going thru some stuff as well....it rejoices me to see some people moving wif God.....yo wee liem..if u're reading this....jz to let u know that my heart rejoices when i see you moving on wif God..i'm happy to see that u're maturing in Him(finally :P)....keep it up!! enuff of tat bozo...time for myself....where was i? oh ya........anyways...despite of everything that's happening.....this sem i guess one of the most important thing i've learn is to always praise Him....praise God for who He is....everything around me shouts of Your glory dear Father....I give thanks and worship You dear Lord, King of Kings and Lord of Lords.....my mouth shall continually sing of Your praises.....for You alone deserve all this.....Yet will i praise You, Yet will i praise You. heavy hands i will also lift up....a burdened heart i leave it at Your altar...a messed up life and experience i leave it at Your hands.....my life..i lay it on the altar..i say that it is Yours...i give u something which is most precious to me...my life......as U also gave Jesus to me....i wanna pray for the CF now..

Dear Lord,

thank you for the CF. it is Yours....it is Your people...Father i pray that Your presence will be made known once again in the CF...Lord i pray that we will be a shining light in the campus...declaring Your name and lifting Your name up high all the time...Father You know what the CF is going thru now...please pick us up.....and help rebuild us......just like how Nehemiah rebuild Your temple....help us to be like Nehemiahs..to rebuild your glory in this campus....dear Lord i pray especially that everyone..especially in the commitee will set our differences aside....set our priorities aside and put U as priority number 1. as leaders that U have appointed Lord help us to bring Your name, bring Your joy, Your love and Your salvation to the campus.....I pray the CF MMU will not anymore be a place of judgement upon others...of gossiping...of bringing down others....but dear Lord....please hear my prayer...let our CF be a place of forgiveness...a place of love..a place of closeness in Your name...a place of Salvation..a place where the name of Jesus is lifted high....Father please give us vision....give us a heart like David..one after Your heart...give us the courage of Joshua and Caleb.....give us righteousness like Daniel and Job.....please give us wisdom like King Solomon....dear Lord...once again I repeat that the CF is yours...we are only caretakers...to You be the glory forever and ever, Amen.