My Backyard

It’s amazing how irony takes its toll on one’s live. How funny it would be if one were to would say that Christopher Columbus has sailed across the ocean to discover America, and yet got lost in his backyard. Or even Vasco da Gama, the famous Portuguese explorer, who ventured the globe, might not know what’s happening in his neighborhood.
The same thing happen to me today. Having visited and enjoyed the pleasures of big screens in KL, I can proudly say that I’ve “marked my territory” in many famous cineplexes since I studied in Cyberjaya. GSC, TGV, you name it. The queer thing about it, is that me, a home-grown Kedahan, have not fully explored my backyard, the little town of Alor Setar. There actually is a Cineplex around here, something which I often brushed it away in the pass, thinking that it only films local movies and cheapskate b-grade blockbuster wannabes.
I was dragged from my slumber by my elder sister this, erm, afternoon, asking me to take her to the movies, apparently she was excited about the new movie “Around the World in 80 days”. I scratched my head with my half-lid eyes, asking her “ Are you sure?” I was just gonna brush it off once again, but then seeing that my sis is keen on watching it, I gave in, heave myself out of my shell, took a bath and head for the movies, which is only 5 minutes drive away.
(in Alor Setar, the furthest destination from one place to another is 20 minutes. )
To cut the short story long, :p, here we are, standing in front of the Cineplex. Here is the scene. Imagine a cowboy ghost town, the streets are empty, a few wild horses strolling around, the windows of the shops rattle in tune with the howling wind, a roll of dry hay bounces across you. Okay, okay I’m exaggerating. But it was quite pathetic. Even name is spelled weird. Sineplex AS. The ticket seller happens to be the same person who sells pop-corn as well. We bought the tickets, which look like some kind of cheap receipt, then we grabbed lunch and head for the shows.
Movie was okay, but what grabbed my attention more was the number of audience, as well as what kind of audience. Okay, to give credit to them, the show is 1pm on a Monday afternoon. But the numbers counted around 20, and most of them look like retired Malay uncles trying to fine some ways to spend their pension. Pathetic ain’t it? But according to my sis, during holidays and weekends the place is packed. I hope so, if not the only “hope” for modern “technology” to take over Alor Setar would fade away as like the rest, leaving it lagging behind its neighboring states once again in modernization.

My Sister
After sharing generally the incident which happened to my sister to my fellow CF committee members, I guessed many of them were wondering, why after informing them the seriousness of the case, 5 minutes later I was jumping up and down, smiling and greeting people as if my sister has strike lottery.
To tell the truth, it’s not because that I don’t really care, erm, alright, I don’t really care. Ha. My relationship with my sister is not close. Frankly speaking, I didn’t even talk to her personally about this incident as well. How ironic it is, where a CG coordinator, one who’s supposed make sure that the concerns and cares of every member is taken care of, don’t even give a donkey’s ass about his sister. Okay I’m exaggerating again. Here is why.
My sister is very unique. She’s three years older than me. Words can’t describe the character of my sis, but to me, she has a mentality of a form one kid. Maybe less. Nope, she’s not retard, but she lives in a world of her own, laughs only at her own jokes, and really blunt. Many a times she’s given my mom so much heartache, headache, whatever ache and eggs there is. It’s hard for her to think of other people’s needs, yeah sometimes she does, but usually she just likes to take care of herself. She has no sense of fashion or self beauty, until my mom had train her. Because of this, mom had to train her to follow certain routines from young, so now routines has been indirectly integrated into her memory, so much so the word “ flexibility” does not exist in her vocabulary.
It is hard for me to love her. I admit and confess. It’s not that I hate her, it’s just hard for me to love her. Since young I had no one to look up to, in fact sometimes mom make me an example for her. She was never really the “ Tai Ka Cher” I longed for. My brother, now a little more mature, has come to understand this. And to us, sometimes she’s just a nuisance around. She doesn’t understand giving way to others, once she’s set on something, she wants it. Full stop. Dead end. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about some sort of zeal to exceed to achieve a life-time dream. She doesn’t know what that means either. Haha. Just simple things, like insisting a certain tv channel, or going somewhere.
I often question God why has He placed her into our family. Mom shared with me she also asked the same question. But later mom shared that God has placed her in the place where she will be loved most. Hmm, maybe by mom. Haha. But its true, perhaps she wouldn’t receive more love and care from other families. Of all of us, mom is really the ever protecting arm that has been placed above her head since the day she was born. Mom is the one who took painstaking steps to make sure she has a degree, come out with a decent job, contribute to society. It has, always, and still is mom who my sister needs.
Why am I telling this? This is because one day there would be no more mom around. Then what? Am I supposed to love her then? Am I suppose to care for her? Every time I come back, I’ve barely spoken more than 20 words to her. Every time I ask her how’s work, she would just look at me bluntly and say “ ok.” She’s just happy to live life the same way it is until her last breathe.
Mom has asked me personally to take care of my siblings once there’re gone. My bro, no problem. My sis, big problem. That’s why I might need friends to help me then. I need God to help me. Loving someone doesn’t come so easily as “ Angkat, tolak, masuk, picit.” Okay it can be, but it’s a different scenario for my sister.
Wow, this is a long one. Probably due to the fact that I’m typing on Microsoft Word, alone in my air-conned room, using my father’s laptop. Bottom line, loving my sis? I need help. Dead end. Full stop.

Cheerios.

Familiar Grounds

Happy Father's Day. It's been really a long time since i celebrated Father's Day back home..in fact so long i can't even remember when was the last time i did it...a bit upset now to learn that from now both matches that are played daily will be played the same time...means can't watch 2 games now...only 1..sheesh..

Church. Going back to church always always spark thoughts in my head...mebe its a sort of benchmark for me everytime i go back to church..anyways..some interesting things happen today...as usual i walk into our church today...and after greeting the ushers and all..i proceed to my usual sitting "position" for the past 10 years..the last row behind..keke....thing is...this time there's no "kaki" sitting there. usually one of my friends would be already sitting there....and we always "dominate" the back seat..me and my church "gang"...somehow when i reached there..there was no one. no a single old friend of mine. seems like ALL of them are studying somewhere already. usually there would still be some form 6 friends of mine. but now, there is nobody. it has finally arrived for me. the time has finally come where ALL of my friends have moved on. in some ways i felt happy for them, yet disappointed that i had to come back to church where the only ppl i talk to are the aunties and uncles around, who always have no other question to ask me other than" Joshua, got girl friend already or not?" ...with mixed emotions, i went to sit with my family for a church service, something which i last did when i was 13. to continue, i wouldn't want to comment on other things about my church, but i'll drop a hint, i had to constantly remind myself to focus on God, not my church, if u know wat i mean...Speaker was good, Ps Steven Low...talked on Father's Day..which is where i'm heading..


Ah Pa's Day. Parents give unconditionally. Since the first time we breathed in the air of the this world, our parents are the ones who were giving evreything they have to us. As we grow up, there will come a day where we wil be the ones to give back to our parents. after receiving so much love, it is time that we love our parents back. I realise that moms and dads are humans as well, and that sometimes in order for them to continue with life, they need us to love them too. I'm not good at expressing love towards my parents, especially my dad. i don't think i've said " I love you mom,or dad" to my parents before...its not that i don love them, its jz that its hard for me to do it.The only thing i could do is the obey them, and to do the things that pleases them.

A Tribute to my Dad.
This is a tribute to my father. My father had a hard life when he was young. Born the youngest in a family of 6, my father did not have the dominant and leadership roles since young...age gap was quite big between him and his other siblings..so i guess my dad didn't really bond wif some other siblings...Growing up in Mentakap ( I think)...my grandad actually had a some of money..i heard..he's from china... i think my grandad had some land also...but somehow he gambled it away....and that's how they ended up rearing pigs and planting vegetables. EVeryday my dad had to cycle to hotels and places to pick up leftoever food to rear pigs. and my dad said he cycled to school, around 4 kilometres since standard 1 to form 6. my grandad was a harsh man as well. when one of my dad's siblings get into his wrong books, all of them will face the rod. Anyways, to cut the history short, my dad worked his way into UM, met my mom and here i am.

My dad at first had difficulty loving us, as in me and my siblings. its because of the treatment he had from his dad, it was hard for him to love us in another way. but somehow he changed, of i should say God changed him...in a marvelous way. My father is a quiet man, patient and very, very disciplined. something which i hoped...or rather He hoped would instill into me..heheh...my father's life goes with the clock. if its 1pm, its lunch time, if its 3pm, time to mark papers, even if the sky falls down. which is one of the reasons why my dad could wake up at 6am every morning to do his devotion, and to pray for our family. this is one thing i really admire of my dad. without fail. even when we go for holidays, by 6,7am i would see my dad sitting in front of the bible. which is why he has found favour in God in some ways i guess. I read from Proverbs that day that the we gain the favor of God and man by "faithfulness and obedience". Since small dad always make sure that i'm rooted in the word of God. I remember the feeling towards my dad when i was a little kid. to me, my father knows EVERYTHING. he's the walking encyclopedia. that's y i guess dad got a little annoyed wif me cos i kept bombarding him with any questions that comes to my mind, wether good wans or stupid, lame ones. I love cuddling wif my dad more than my mom...i dunno why...and i pulled his leg hair everytime..NOW i know why he always ask me not to do that..heheh...

well, i guess i've said a lot about my dad now. I thank God for giving him to me, and to my familiy. I wouldn't really trade it with other dads...sometimes i get puzzled as how could my mom and dad get together since they are so different in personalities...heheh..mebe its a hint that i should find someone diff personaly from mine? =))

Cheerios.

HOME


Blogging shall now resume due to excessive free time in the place where time seems to stand still, Alor Setar.


Here i am now, blogging at home now...Blogging seems like more fun when i do it at home, mebe its becos there are less distractions...dunno...anyways...i have only 23 more mins to blog, before the next match starts. i guess i'll be pretty much blogging the same time everyday ya...hahaha..here we go.

Took my trip back to AS today. Met a friend at the bus stop, where i was taking to KLIA transit station.not really a friend even i guess, i only met her once during lab i came late, saw that she had no lab partner and had no choice but to join her...she smiled at me, i grinned back...soon we were talking throughout in the bus all the way to KLIA. talked about our course, uni life and even our families...funny...at the end i didn't even know her name. hahaha...

As i was on my way back, other than chit-chatting wif my friend...erm..the girl...i was on my own most of the time. i had a lot of time to do some pondering....i tot of Home. as in....what is a Home? why do ppl go to such great lengths to go back? the girl was taking a flight back to Miri.its RM 300. y am i taking so much trouble to come back? i started thinking...and i came to a conclusion...that Home is not so much of our location, or our house..its our family.Its the people. Home is where if even the world hates u and doesn't accept you, there are still ppl who loves you. Home is where when u have failed in all things, there are still ppl who believes and still have faith in you. Home is where you are showered with blessings and love ever since the first day you were born.I'm talking about a healthy family here lar, not a broken wan. anyways to continue, i found out that many ppl or friends that i know of, always "go back home to take a break". why need to go back home to do it? that's because home is also a place of temporal seperation from the worries and burdens of the world...going back home jz makes u forget all ur responsibilities and burdens, to let go of all ur worries and cares. its where ppl always "recharge". ppl say" I miss home." actually it means " I miss all the love and care from home." yeah....so i really thank God i have a home to come back to. thank God i grow up in a place where i don dread going home. and it's a lesson for me, to build exactly, or even better, the same thing when i have a familiy of my own later.

oops. time's up. Holland vs Czech Republic.

Cheerios.

-Blogging will be temporary suspended due to Euro 2004, mebe when i reach home.-

Live to Love


Just finished a conversation with a good sister of mine...She just lost her uncle which she loved very much...and on top of having to bear with the news and death...the thing that makes it harder for her to go on..is that she found out that during times of need..during her darkest night...suddenly she found that friends who were there with her have gone...some even opt not find out what has happen..despite seeing her red eyes and puffed cheeks..friends of whom she spent her time caring and loving have not shown back the same thing she has invested so much of her time and effort in...things like that makes it harder to go on...and i didn't mention it just now...but i guess sometimes being a low-profile person also makes it harder for ppl to take notice of you...i'm not saying low-profile is a bad thing....i'm saying why are the low-profile people being neglected?



All i could do jz now was just to listen...listen to the disappointments poured out...listen to the doubts..the frustrations...the heartaches..i wish i could do something...i wish i could walk the road with the person...i wish i could bear some of the burden so that it won't be so heavy...and i have a feeling that i would be experiencing this for the whole year...as in my current ministry...i found out during a presonality test during retreat that i am an encourager. But how do i do it? how do i give certain words to ppl that will lift their spirits? how do i give words to ppl that will help them face their challenges with more confidence? it jz dawn upon me....it is not me who's the one who gives this words..it is the Holy Spirit...i need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit..listen to the words that I need to catch...

Caring for one another. Living to love. what's the use of memorizing verses when we don't do it? our previous wan talks about helping one another when one falls down...First..we need to identify who are the ones in need..look around us....not everybody is having a gala time....2ndly caring for ppl needs effort...it is easy to jz pass that fella by...jz say hi and walk away....3rdly we need to pray for them...not only that day by try to do it everyday till everything turns out fine.


Don't feel like blogging now. ciao first.

Cheerios.

Living life one step at a time



Slept early on Monday night hoping to catch morning glory..and I managed to somehow…but I did something funny….after everyone has left for breakfast after the meeting…I took up my guitar and started to strum some songs…..people invited me to come for breakfast but for the first time I declined…I dunno why….I told them to go ahead..and I sat down and worshipped God in my own little way…just admiring nature…and praising God early in the morning….giving thanks for everything….myself at the prayer hut….didn’t really planned for it…but it was good….later when back….and I listened to Ps Kenneth Chin’s message on “The power of Today”….was really powerful….don’t really feel like blogging about it now…but later in the afternoon I was fighting inside myself..i had to let it out…so I went to library…and I wrote this down on paper….



“ Everyday I’m in constant battle. War rages between the soul and the mind and spirit. Every choice comes with consequences. Tough choices produce better results. The easier choice often result in regret and unproductivity. There’s never a perfect choice. Which should I take? Obviously choosing the easier would be the best way. The nature of my being cries and pulls me forward the door of the easier choices. Humans and all creatures long for comfort and rest. No living creature thing seeks problems and the hard road. Therefore, why should I take the hard way? Because this is not heaven. Because earth is a harsh place to live in, you want something you gotta earn it, people say ther’es no place like home. There’s because home is where our parents work their socks off so we can afford sitting down, having a good meal, a nice home to live in. problem with me is I tend to choose the easy way. And ironically, I would seek still take it even my mind is screaming for me to stop. Why? Problem is I tend to look at the stick of ice-cream lying in front of me, when further a lil lies a bucket . fighting against myself. It’s the toughest battle of all. Winning it results in victory. Losing can be deadly, practically death itelf, where some submit to suicidal methods. So, what’s the turning point for me? I need to look up, I need to look what likes ahead. I need to strive on. I’m not that weak. I need to choose which friends that will influence me, which friends that wouldn’t. most of all, I need to do something which I detest,getting my hands into the plow. For every veteran, victorious warrior, one look of the body you would see deep scars, wounds, stitches, even mentally the pain and suffering of shedding human blood haunts them in their dreams every night, yet we only se them strolling down gallantly on their horses, where cheers and singing almost deafen our ears. And we think that victory comes just like that.”


Feeling rather down now....don't really know why..i'm not a really moody person i think...hahha...Rather i'm having a blast with God now...waking up early every morning to spend time with Him...taking each day a step at time....like what ps kenneth chin said..." Learn from yesterday, Look forward to tomorrow, but Live for today." everyday i live to to the max...taking it a step of a time....yups...living life...that's what i'm doing now....

Oh ya i wanted to blog abt this for some time now...The other day was what that settled it....i was rather concern for her and i tried to help out...i came up next to her..gave her a grin ...and i asked her so how was her problem coming along....she look at me once...then turn to talk to the person next to her..okayyy..mebe i'll wait....i sat down next to her..i asked her again...same thing....she HEARD it..that's it. i got up and walked away..never looking back. she gave me a pat on my hand to indicate she heard what i said. yea right. though u may melt my heart at times...i don't really care anymore. i don't have time to entertain you. it's over...for me. i don't have time to spend on someone who doesn't even bother to ppl who care about her. u can go on whatever relationships u think its right for you. ha.

Secret Place


I can't stand it anymore. Lord pls gif me a secret place with you....I go to the living room..where its my favourite place with You my housemates are walking thru and fro....I come back to my room i'm not alone with You cos i'm sharing the room...pls Father...give a place where i can be with You alone...pls..

EVALUATION


It's evaluation time. this is what i decided to do last week to find out what kind of person i am....and wether have i achieved anything that i wanted to do....okay..here is the list of things i planned out last week:

Things i wanna accomplish by this week. 7/6/04

1.) Spend time with God without missing a day.
2.) Attend ALL classes
3.) Be punctual for ALL appointments
4.) Finish Com 1 chap 2 and EPM chap 1


okays...what have we got.....

1.) Fail. Missed 2 days.
2.) Fail. Missed 2 classes.
3.) ermm....not really making the mark...ok la..FAIL
4.) Fail.hahah..this sure fail wan...installed 2 new games instead...


Right. Looks like i erm..didn't manage to accomplish even 1 of the things i set out to do...and it's only for a week.....and i found out something about myself...it's been there so long but in the subconcious mind...usually at the begining of the week..after church...i'm really fired up for the week..that's why i came up wif the goals for the week...and the first 2, 3 days i follow my schedule tightly..then when comes the 4, 5th day i start to slack..by the time 6,7 day i don't even care about my goals anymore....check it out.....missing quiet time and classes was done durin the ending of the weekend...studies the same....another thing...its one thing to plan stuff..another to do it...planning all those things made feel good...it only took 15 mins..but to actually live it out takes another perspective...


so? what do i do now? first things first..first...i know that i really need a focus and goal for the week...2nd...i'm not gonna give up and say its useless...i'm still gonna try...3rd....yea...this is the tricky part...how i do improve myself? how i do make myself finish the task? its time to brain storm for myself....i know i'm not the type of person like certain ppl who have a high discipline drive...time really waits for no one..by the time i know its already near mid terms...cos i really am a person who don't really see far into the future...when i meet a certain difficulty...instead of looking at the long run...i always choose the easy way out....mieeen...now i heard it myself..pathethic arr...i always choose the lest difficult way..and regret it later...hmmmm.mebe this will shake me up....come to think of it..i can't really say i don't have enough time for anything...really...if i use my 24 hrs to the max i actually have more time to do other stuff as well...well...i'm gonna try again using different approach..i won't jot down further more to embarasse myself more...class is gonna start soon...mebe this will help..


-How desperate are you for it?-


Cheerio.

Saturday Night


Its a saturday night..no matter how hard i try to sit down to study...i just can't get myself to sit down and go through my notes...i thought to myself " eh...u can't even study on weekdays regularly, what makes u think u can study on a saturday nite?" ...sighs..tmr's blog's gonna be interesting...its about my own evaluation on me for the whole week...anyways..its not yet tmr..so hmm...lemme see what thoughts i would like to jot down..


Friday Night
EDGE@FGA

Originally was not supposed to go...was thinking to myself...not much point going there as well....its just a concert...ironically i accepted the invitation from poh yee to go bowling and dinner with my buddy Gary.....it didn't really hit me till quite late...weighing both options..what the heck am i doing...wouldn't attending a christian concert be more beneficial than just going bowling? of course my buddy went as well..so i make some last minute arrangements so off i went to the concert...it was like...when? 1yr? 2 yrs? since i attended FGA...i really cannot recall when was the last time i came here...anyways...the band, Desperation was there..nvr heard before...music was good..ministry was good...

Some pointers...first....its been a long time that i've been surrounded by such a large crowd...feels quite weird....everywhere i look is faces...ppl...anyways..2nd..during worship time is superb..just that all the songs sang are new...constantly trying to learn every new song does disrupt our worship.....and 3rdly...i felt quite out of place cos we're only attending the last session...most of them went thru the few days conference...feels a bit of an outsider..yeah...i admire their music though..What have i learn from the conference? just like kevin tang's blog..good music...good feel is there when everyone is all singing...shouting....jumping..rararararara.....the thing that counts is the aftermath..when all of us go back to our lives..then its how we decide to live our lives...same thing goes to an every sunday service...some ppl even when they come back from church...they can't even recall what they've learn...and more importantly how are they going to let it implement in their lives..how are they gonna change..and funnily..these are the ppl who are jumping up and down singing from the top of their voices during these meetings...yups..so sometimes its good to conclude the whole meeting...wether conference or normal church service...its good to conclude before we step out of church...it can be only a single phrase the speaker spoke..or a verse..anything..as long as it stays in our heart...and we bring it home..for me its B1-6-5..:)...and ask God to fan this small spark into flame......yups......thats the conclusion i get oso from this conference..;)



Thursday Night

if u notice my tittle is going backwards from saturday night..hehehe..okies! once again thursday night became an eventful night for me..because if impromptu-ness again...hmm.seems like i make a lot of sudden choices these days..anyways...i was sitting minding my own business during Actstream when burfday boy Jason Ding walked up to me and asked me to go for his dinner-burfday-celebration...If a birthday-person invites u to his or her party u canot say no..so a bit reluctantly i said "yes"..( cos i plan to come back early mar)..another surprise...we're going to TGI Friday's...what in a world is that?? never hear before...sounds like some lyrics i hear in a song....anyways when we reach there....once look at it and i knew....its gonna be a long nite for me....why? such a fanciful restaurant...i got only 5 bucks and 2 sens exactly in my wallet...check it out...when all of us are there...there were 4 guys...and around 7,8 girls..rarely am i in a place where gals outnumber guys...usually its the other way round...anyways...food was good..(no good oso say good lar, looking at the price)...had the usual burfday stuff..songs...rarararara.......

i noticed certain things. i was quite quiet actually....my observation powers was on to the MAX that time....thing is this is the first time i'm around some of our church members...all girls lar..its the only time i see them outside of church till now....funny is some ppl when go church wear so much....go elsewhere wear so little...kekeke...is church that cold? ;) ...oh ya...i gave a GOOD look at the interior designs...the service of the waiters....another thing..there was a clear comparison between MMU students and Jason's other friends...i dunno why but a lot of CF ppl all quite subdued....quiet..and some even chose to sit a table away...weird huh...ok u can say its not enuff places..not really true...if we can form 25 tables during MMCG at Milo Kau..this is nth rite...kekeke....anyways..the ones making all the noises are Jason's other friends..all the time....but at ours? i guess some of them facing problems..some tired...but i guess if u want to attend a friend's burfday party...if u come wif a papaya face..might as well don't come lar horr...you'll just spoil the whole party....not all of them were like tat..kekeke...or is it really true that MMU ppl can't mix wif church ppl...untill to the extend of outside church? if we were to ask Ken to give a lecture on MMU student's attitude towards ACTS church i guess a few hours also not enuff....:P...wah my blog very controversy laar..like Malaysia Kini like tat....boss understands what i'm saying....anyways..its time for me to stop before ISA come catch me.....

To end...apart from learning all the moral crap or whatever i can learn....this most significant thing i've experience for this 3 days..the MOST MOST significant thing and i'll remember for life...is that..

..........I spent RM 35 on a meal................

cheerios.

Unseen and Unknown


Here am i now at CR 2045...due to the fact that the lecturer FFK on us ...again...nobody else is in the room except me and one indian worker sweeping the floor...this is the first time i'm blogging in a lecture/tut room....feels quite weird..com's lagging but i felt i needed to jot down my experience just one hour before this..check this out...

Scenario: Me, boss and harm eating at bus stop...when i striked up a conversation...

Me: Harm, are you a buddhist, taoist, or confucious?
Harm : I'm a free thinker...i just follow what my parents believe in...
Me : oh...then do u believe in reincarnation?
Harm : yeah i believe in that..
Me : but i tot u say u just follow your parent's religion?
Harm : ya but i believe in reincarnation..in fact i read in a book somehwere that everyday we're reincanating..for example if daniel wakes up late again for class today it means that he's reincanating his same bad habit..(orsomething like tat)
Me : hm? what nonsense is that? if he wakes up late again means he's just repeating his bad habit lar..if he wakes up early means he's "changed" lor...why so bombastic words?

Harm : aiyah whatever lar..all i know is my parents teach me not to hurt myself and not to hurt others...

Me : did u know that's taken from Buddha's principles? "be one with the nature" or soemthing like that....

Harm : yeah correct....

(conversation went on .....we proceeded to class....it now takes place in harm's car..started about Harry potters' new movie)


Me: harm did u know that wizardy and witch craft and dark magic is real?
Harm : (sarcastically) u mean we can summon fire and water?
Me : No..doesn't need to be like tat..even in small small things like a man who has a demon inside him can break chains.....

Harm : Really? i can't believe that you believe in those things, Joshua...
Me : Oh its real...what you see is not what you get..there are a lot of unseen things...( i tried to think of an example which can identify wif him quickly) ..for example frequencies...you can't see it but its around us..right?

Harm : yeah but.....( our conversaton came to abrupt end when a car got stuck in front of us)

-end-

I'm not saying everyone is like this...but sometimes there are ppl in the world who doesn't know and care what is going on the unseen...and its sad....and i feel sad myself cos i 've lived wif Harm for over a year now annd somehow its hard for me reach to him...What am i gonna say to God when i see Him and He asks me:" Joshua, you've lived with your non-christian friend for so long..how come you've never share anything about Jesus to him?" this are the tactics of the devil....to blind them from the spiritual world...to make them to be only occupied and the pursue the things they can only see with their eyes...that's why we're God's ambassadors to spread the news...to spoil the devil's plans...sad to say many Christians are like this also....only pursuing wat is seen with their physical eyes...c'mon ...what you see only lasts 73 years for a male....and 75 years for a female....(according to Gim's blog..hehe.)the rest is eternity....you know how long is that???? sighs..going for class now...All i can say is before me and harm part ways to our working life...I'm accountable to sowing a seed to his salvation...if i love him as a friend..it is my duty to do so...and i pray that God will open doors for me...and when it opens..i better not hesitate...

Cheerio.

Living it out


Since CF this semester started i haven't anticipated in the worship..why? i've been busy with ushering and meeting new ppl everytime....why have i been doing it? its like since this semester i've develope a passion to meeting new ppl and to talk to them...its a totally different me compared to last year..last year whenever i see new ppl i would just shrug my shoulders and leave it to SRM ministry to do it..but something hit me during commitee planning when the semester ended...we were "complaining" and pointing out why we're losing members..and CF has lost its "familiyness"...when one brother said that instead of saying so much..why not start with us? it sorta hit me straight in the face...since then i sorta made up my mind to start it from myself...this in just this 3 times of CF meetings i've spoken to a lot of new ppl...and its this first time that i thicken my face...go up to the new person and say" Hi! My name is Joshua...I believe i haven't seen u b4...welcome to CF!! What's your name??" from then on striking a conversation i try my best to put into...i try my best to remember names...and though i'm not in charge of the ushering...i find myself teaching ppl how to actually usher ppl...ushering ppl shouldn't be standing at the doorway handing out stuff..it should greeting a person warmly...strike up an simple conversation...get to know him or her more....and show the person to the seat...if a new person...first intro yourself...get to know more about the person....and remember their names..which i find it quite important....and make the person feel comfortable...thats' wat userhing is about i think......


Sis annette gave a very good message just now...so direct and strong and yet it comes wif love and gentleness...the last part of the message touched me greatly...i find that to really make our CF a home...i need to learn the ultimate humility..total sacrifice and never looking back....i can identify wif that a lil....meeting new ppl its a humble experience...nobody wants to thicken their face...and go up to a new person and say hi...thats' y sad to say i don really see our CF ppl doing it..more so the commitee...i'm not comparing...all i hope and really pray that at least i've tried to start it..i do hope that ppl will start to see it and share it together with me....its really weird addressing a newcomer to a fellow commitee...especially if the person is one of the top 3..:P:P....they should be the first to greet a newcomer...i've come to learn that new comers are so, so , so important...and suddenly i find myself looking forward to new faces...anyways tears nearly welled in my eyes during the end of sis annette's msg..cos i can see that she's really speaking from the bottom of her heart..especially when she said" I've been with you all since you first started" no one will understand our CF more than sis Annette...she truly deserve my respect...

alritez time's almost up...oh yeah just to leak a lil...one of my goals by the end of this week is to attend classes on time....just now when i woke up i had only 15 mins before class started...i rushed like crazee....and i reached only 5 mins late..sighs...but i don think i've broken it yet...cos i think its my record time of getting a bath and scooting of to class...to bathe and get ready everything takes 10 mins...going there on motor is diff from townhouse cos i had to take a lift down...walk all da way to A3 to get my bike...if compared to last yr the motor was rite in front of my doorstep...starting from my front door to reaching campus takes 5 mins if rushed..and another 1,2 mins to run to the class itself...yeahh...gtg first...

Saying what I could do, or Doing what I could say?


Jz back from celebrating Kae Ee's burfday...feeling tired and gonna sleep soon...alritez..the tittle of my blog.....one of my weakness is the lack of action and drive.....i tend to say lotsa things which i could do...but end up not doing it...even if i started...usually i don finish it as well..i lack in discipline and drive...i guess that's one of the reasons why i can't start studying early...tried to do it today...its not easy starting early cos when i don't understand the only person i can ask is the lecturer himself....nobody studies this early..i think..hahaha...dunno...anyways...got quite fed up of myself not able to do things which i wanted to do...this time i'll try to do it first..then only i talk about it...haha..so for now i'm not mentioning anything..


Last few weeks of quiet time with God was not really erm...exciting..i dunno why i can't seem to hear God's voice...the quiet time material doesn't speak into my life...quite abstract certain stuff..its not that God is not speaking to me at all...He's been speaking to me in many ways...but not really when i do my quiet time...so today i really prayed hard that i would hear God today...erm...din really oso...mebe i'm trying too hard..i dunno...but today i did one thing..something which i should have done earlier this semester..something which i do every begining of the semester...and something..which is risky...which once said...the consequences would be big...i prayed and committed the whole semester to God..i prayed that God will teach me something new this semester....and take me to greater heights....erm..i've learn that to reach "greater heights"...God will take me to "deeper depths" first....its like if we ask for something good....God gives us erm...not so pleasant experiences to teach us that...am i prepared for that? for me is if not now...when? so i say.."yeah God just do it.!!" hahaha..ppl would say i'm gatal...but i need to grow....i WANT to grow...no matter the circumstances...alritez...

Gonna end soon...but jz wanna mention something abt yesterday's 2nd service....many many things have happen during 2nd services...hehehe..yesterday was an eye opener..hmm..since coming to this church i've seen many ermm....abnormal stuff....i'm half excited..yet half scared as well..but the preacher is good...and it kinda woke me up in certain things as well...the main word he used..and keep asking us to repeat again and again was "LISTEN"...i'm gonna buy the sermon...oh ya btw, i'm collecting sermons...hehehe....its one thing i would invest in...if compared to song cds...alritez..its 1.30am now...i have 5 and half hoours to sleep before morning glory...hopefully i hear more from You Lord...Won't you speak to me?